


Alone

by dontcare77ghj



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22357225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontcare77ghj/pseuds/dontcare77ghj
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader, Peggy Carter/Reader, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Kudos: 58





	Alone

Your relationship was unexpected. This was the type of relationship that you unfortunately had to hide from the world. They weren’t ready for your relationship and, honestly, they didn’t deserve to know about it.

You’d been friends with Peggy for years and it was her who introduced you to her friends, Steve and Bucky. You were the first to know that these three weren’t just friends and you were the first to accept this because you loved the three, as friends, and you wanted them to be happy.

It wasn’t until months later that you realised that you didn’t love them as friends. You loved them loved them. At this realization you distanced yourself from the three because you weren’t supposed to feel like that. You were supposed to be their friend. Their supportive friend.

But the three wouldn’t let you go so easily. When they noticed you were distancing yourself, they made you see them and forced you to tell them what was wrong with you.

When it was all out in the open, you were shocked to find out that your feelings were more than reciprocated. Cut to a year later the four of you were together and you couldn’t be happier. You were with people you loved, you finally got the job of your dreams and nothing seemed to be going wrong.

Then the war happened and suddenly everything was different. Peggy was gone, Bucky was quick to join the war and Stevie had changed so he could fight too. All three were gone and suddenly all you had were letters, a call here and there and if you were incredibly lucky, you saw them for what felt like a minute.

You didn’t realise how much you wanted them in your life until they were gone.

It was raining by the time you made it back to your empty home. You had been working all day and for most of the night because another girl had gotten sick and couldn’t make it. All you wanted was to get out of your dress and heels and make yourself a cup of tea.

You picked up the letters from the ground as you entered the dark place. You’d just sat down on the sofa and kicked off your heels as you opened a letter from Steve.

Y/N,

I don’t know how to start this letter and I don’t really know how to end it either. So, I’m just going to say what I need to say, Bucky is dead.

He fell from a train and I couldn’t get to him in time. I’m so sorry doll.

Me and Peg are going to be coming home in a couple of days and we’re going to stay for as long as we can.

We’ll see you soon, doll.

Love Steve and Peg.

The rain must have got to the mail, you thought as you saw some of the ink smear. It was only when the ink began to run and the letter became damper as you watched, you realized you were crying.

As you came to the realization, tears began to flow down your cheeks and violent sobs ripped their way out of your throat. Some part of you acknowledged Steve’s letter falling to the ground but you could barely hear that part over a part of your heart breaking.

You didn’t leave the sofa that night. You didn’t move from that sofa until late the next day. The first thing you did was call your boss and tell him you’d caught a nasty virus and wouldn’t be able to come in for a while.

And then cleaned yourself up. You looked like you felt, a mess. Once you cleaned yourself up, you tried to act as normal as you could. Steve and Peggy would be home soon and you needed to be strong. You wanted to be strong for them.

They came home the next day. The three of you spent the first day embracing each other and crying. Mourning the loss of your lost Bucky. The three of you didn’t leave the bedroom for the first two days, only sat together in the bed you once shared with Bucky and shared memories and stories of the brunette.

Days three through five, included the three of you finally leaving the bedroom but remaining inside the house. You were all moving through the grieving process at your own pace but it still wasn’t easy. Steve’s eyes had seemed to dim, Peggy was constantly lost in her own thoughts and you felt heavy.

They had to go back on the sixth day and you were alone once more. Alone in a home that held reminders of Bucky, alone in a home with reminders of what the war had stolen from you.

Months went by and you were still alone. Letters continued to come, a phone call once a month and you got a two day visit from the two of them but then they had to go back. When they left you went back to your routine.

You went to work. You smiled and you laughed. And you talked to people. Well, as much as you could.

There was only one person you could really talk to and that was Howard Stark. He was the only person in your lives that knew about your relationship and he was your friend. Everyone else in your life was under the impression that you were single and didn’t have any potential partners.

You had just gotten back from a lunch with some friends when you saw your surprise guest standing on your porch.

“Howard, how long have you been waiting out here?” You questioned as you embraced the man in greeting. 

“Not long.” He told you. “Probably ten minutes.”

“You should have called me and I would have been here when you arrived.” You said, opening the door. “Come on in, Howard, I’ll get you something to drink.” You invited, gesturing for him to enter.

“That’d be great, Y/N.” He said, entering your home. You took off your coat and gestured for Howard to do the same before leading him into the kitchen.

“Is tea okay for you?” You asked as he took a seat at the bar.

“Yeah, tea’s great.” He nodded and began fiddling with his fingers. “Y/N, there’s something we have to talk about.” He started.

“Hm?” You hummed, putting the kettle on the stove.

“Y/N, I hate having to be the one to do this but, Y/N, Steve and Peggy are both dead.” He told you. The coffee cup in your hand carelessly fell and hit the ground.

“Shit!” You exclaimed, stepping away from the mess. “Damn it.” You sighed, grabbing a broom and sweeping it into the pan.

“Y/N here let me do it” Howard said, standing from his seat.

“No it’s my mess.” You said, raising a hand and gesturing for him to sit back down. “What happened?”

“They’re plane crashed into the artic.” He explained, watching you closely. “They left you these.” He said, placing two letters on the counter. “They wrote them months ago as a just in case.”

“Right.” You said, grabbing the letters and holding them for a second. “Thank you, Howard.” He stayed for a while. He sat with you, drank tea and tried to get a read on your emotional state. He left hours later with a sorry and an assurance that you could call him whenever you wanted.

When he left, your body was on autopilot and it walked you into your room. The room you used to share with three other people, and then two people, and now it was just yours.

There was going to be no more waiting for them to come home. There would be no more excitement as you saw one of their letters had arrived. There would be no more late night chats. Or moments between the four of you because they were gone.

A laugh escaped your lips. A little, quiet, breathless sounding laugh. A laugh, which became a sob.

A loud, painful, sob that tore through your chest and hurt your throat as it ripped its way out of your mouth. And that sob became a scream.

A violent, loud, gut wrenching scream that made you crumble to your knees. The sting was a dull sensation as the world faded out and your grief flooded you.

You couldn’t breathe as you continued to scream and sob. You couldn’t see past the tears flooding your eyes. You couldn’t think as images of Peggy, Bucky and Steve’s smiling faces flashed to the forefront of your mind.

Now, now, you were well and truly alone.

It had been months since the deaths of Steve and Peggy, and almost a year since Bucky’s own, you hadn’t been doing well. You still went to work and did your job but you didn’t leave your home otherwise.

Until today, today when Howard had dragged you out of your home and forced you to join him in his lab. 

“Why are you trying to fix this again?” You asked as he tinkered with the serum. “You know it works. It worked on both Steve and Peggy.” You said, making him turn to you.

“Yes, it did work, and that’s the point. It worked. So, if I can modify the formula, who knows what it could do?” He explained, pouring another chemical into his beaker.

“Is there a possibility this could kill someone?” You questioned, watching him with slight trepidation. 

“I mean possibly.” He said with a shrug. “Who knows, that’s why I have to try and see what happens.”

“You’re kind of crazy. You know that right, Howard?” You laughed, making him smile at the noise.

“I haven’t heard that in a while.” He commented with his own smile.

“I haven’t been around you in a while and I haven’t really had a lot to laugh at.” You said, shrugging one shoulder. “It feels kinda good.”

“I’m glad.” He told you, patting the back of your hand shortly. “How are you doing?” 

“I finally got around to packing up most of their things.” You admitted. “I cried for most of it and then I packed the rest of it away.” You told him.

“It’s good you’re trying to move on.” He said.

“I’m not doing it to move on. I’m doing it because with their things around, the place feels lonelier than without them. I’d just rather be lonely because the house is empty not because it’s full of their things.” You shrugged.

“Well, if you ever find yourself becoming bored or need something to take your mind off it all, you’re more than welcome to hang around the lab.” He said, making you smile gratefully.

“Thanks Howard.” You said and then your eyes widened. “Howard!” You exclaimed, pointing to the beaker near his hand. The beaker was bubbling and the liquid was beginning to spill out of the glass.

“Shit!” He yelled, throwing his hands away from the glass. “Quick hand me the tongs.” He said, reaching a hand out to you. You pushed the tongs into his hands and he attempted to pick the beaker up with the object.

The liquid began bubbling over the he picked it up and the beaker slid out of the tong’s grip, and spilled all over you.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” He swore, dropping the beaker and grabbing some rags to and clean the liquid off you. “Is your skin burning? Is it melting off? Talk to me Y/N.”

“It’s tingling. Howard what was in that?” You asked, taking a rag out of his hands attempting to wipe some of the liquid off. Before he could continue the tingling turned into a light burning sensation and suddenly you weren’t sitting on your chair.

Howard let out a surprised noise as you fell. Looking up, you noticed your view of the man was obstructed by the stool.

“What the hell?” You questioned, looking down to make sure your skin hadn’t had any other reaction to the liquid when you saw it. You hadn’t fallen off the stool, you’d fallen through it. You went to touch to leg when your hand went through the metal. “Howard what’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I must have added the wrong balance of chemicals and that reaction to your skin must have caused- “

“English, Howard!” You demanded, still unable to grasp anything. “Why the hell can’t I grasp anything?”

“When I changed the formula, I changed it wrong.” He said, kneeling down next to you. “I wanted to create something that could render someone or something invisible, instead I seemed to have created something that allows you to phase through solid objects.”

“Well how do I turn it off?” You asked, watching as he moved your hand through the chair leg. Before he could answer you felt your legs beginning to slip through the floor. “Howard!” You said, pointing towards your slipping legs.

“You need to calm down. I think this is tied to your emotions. Calm down, Y/N.” He commanded. You closed your eyes as you tried to centre your breathing.

You thought of things that made you happy. Bucky’s morning voice. Steve cooking breakfast. Peggy and you dancing.

“Pull your legs out of the floor, Y/N.” Howard said and you complied. “I’m going to lift the chair off you and we’re going to see if this works.” You felt the pressure lift from your chest and you opened your eyes to see the stool gone.

Howard offered a hand to you and as you stood you waited to feel yourself slip through the floor. When you remained on solid ground you let out a sigh of relief.

“You know when you offered to let me hang around the lab for as long as I want?” You questioned, letting out a long breath.

“Yeah?” He asked, also letting out a deep breath.

“I don’t think I want to anymore. It’s a little too much for my heart.” You said, patting your chest.

“You had fun though admit it.” He stated, making you laugh.

Oh, how good it felt to laugh again. What you wouldn’t give to laugh with Steve or Bucky or Peggy again.

After that incident, Howard had run a lot of tests to see what had happened to you. You couldn’t remember all the fancy terms he used but even after all these years you remembered what he meant.

His variation on the serum had caused your cells to mutate. And stop. You hadn’t aged since 1945. It was 2013 and you looked the same as you did back then. With Howard’s help you were able to gain control over the phasing and live what could almost be called a normal life. As normal a life any 94-year-old, who looked 27-year-old and could phase through solid object, could have.

As Howard aged and you didn’t, you watched as he lived his life. He made his company successful, married a beautiful woman and had a gorgeous baby boy who was your godson. As Tony grew, you were Aunt Y/N. He knew all about what happened to you all those years ago and as he got older, he went to you for advice.

Especially after the accident. You watched as Tony spiralled and tried to help him as much as he would allow. When he finally began to change and became Iron Man, the two of you sat down and had a drink.

You talked. About a lot of things and the night ended with him convincing you to take that trip you’d always wanted. He knew you’d stuck around to keep him safe but he wanted you to focus on you for a while.

And so you did. You packed a bag, took out some money you’d saved and bought a plane ticket. You travelled all over Europe and had the most amazing time, feeling happier than you had in years.

You checked in with Tony at least once a week and he told you about his life and you told him about your travels. You’d been gone for almost two years and it was time you returned home; you’d decided.

It was the day before you were booked to go home and you were sitting in your hotel room, calling Tony as you packed.

“Tony’s phone.” A woman answered. “This is Natasha.”

“Hi Natasha. Is Tony busy?” You asked, folding a shirt and shoving it into your suitcase.

“No he’s not. Let me get him for you.” She said before yelling, “Tony! There’s someone on the phone for you.”

“Who is it?”

“The I.D. says Y/N.” She responded.

“Thanks, Nat.” He said, coming closer. “You didn’t call me last week. I almost sent a drone to make sure you weren’t dead.” He said as a greeting.

“I know, I’m sorry. I was climbing this mountain and my phone almost got eaten by a bear. Along with the rest of me.” You told him, attempting to close your suitcase.

“So a normal day for you then.” He commented, only sounding the slightest worried.

“Yeah, pretty much.” You laughed, sitting on your suitcase and then locking it. “What are you doing in two days.”

“Oh you know the usual. Might blow up a lab, break some hearts, save the world. Why?” He questioned.

“How would you feel about me visiting?” You asked, getting off your bulging suitcase. “Actually, how would you feel about me coming back permanently?”

“I want to say yes but I feel like if I sound too excited, you’ll say it’s a joke.” He responded.

“No, not a joke. I am done with Europe. I’ve done everything you can do here twice and I’m ready to come back.” You said honestly, sighing as you saw more things you needed to pack.

“Then yes. When are you flying back in?”

“I’ve got a flight booked for like six a.m. tomorrow. So I figured I get back, I sleep and we catch up the day after.” You told him.

“I can do you one better.” He said. “Cancel that flight and there will be a private jet waiting for you there.” He promised.

“Tony you don’t have to.” You protested. “I can take a commercial plane, it’s not that big a deal.” 

“I am not letting my favourite person in my family take a commercial plane. Just get to the airline at six and the jet will be there.” He said in a similar tone his father used when he wanted to get his way.

“Okay. Thank you, Tony.” You said, opening the suitcase to shove more of your belongings into it.

“Of course. Now just get there on time for me. I remember how bad you are with getting somewhere on time.” He teased.

“Hey leave me alone. I’m supposed to be 94 or something.” You said.

“And you look younger than me. I’ll see you soon, I love you.” He told you as your suitcase threw up.

“Love you too, Tony.” You replied and then hung up. Turning towards the bed you sighed. It looks like you were going to be here for a while.

The next day you made it to the airport on time, barely, and you were directed to Tony’s private plane.

“This is much nicer than a commercial plane.” You said aloud as you sat on one of the couches.

“Why thank you.” A familiar voice said as Tony walked into the cabin. “I’ve worked hard to ensure all my planes are better than any available to the public.” He cockily said.

“Tony!” You exclaimed, jumping from your seat and embracing the man tightly. “It’s so good to see you.” You sighed as he wrapped his arms around you.

“It’s good to see you too.” He said.

“Let me look at you.” You demanded, pulling back and holding him at arm’s length. “You look good, Tony. Your parents would be proud.”

“Thank you, Y/N.” He smiled. “But look at you. You’re glowing, you look happier.” He said, sitting you both down on the couch. “Is there someone new in your life I should know about?” 

“Tony, I haven’t dated anyone since the 1940’s, there’s no-one new. ” You told him as the plane took off.

“You know, you’ve never told me about this mysterious relationship.” Tony commented. “Am I ever going to find out?”

“It was a long time ago.” You mused. “It was the best part of my life and your father was the only person to know about it.”

“How come?” He questioned.

“Because it was an incredibly taboo relationship.” You told him. “Not only was I involved with a woman, but there was two other people in that relationship with us.”

“You were in a polyamorous relationship.” He whistled. “You’ve got game, Y/N.” He told you with a smirk. “What happened to them?”

“They died.” You shrugged. “Before the experiment. I never got to say goodbye.” You told him. “Enough about the past. Tell me about Pepper.”

For the first hour of the flight the two of you spoke of things in his life. Pepper, his protégé and his team, all of whom he referred to in nicknames. And then you fell asleep. You slept the rest of the flight, curled up on the couch of Tony’s plane.

“You know I’m not one for parties, Tony.” You said, watching Tony search through your closet. You’d barely been home for a day and Tony was already forcing you to come to a party he was hosting that night.

“That is a lie and you know it.” He denied, not looking back at you as he tried to find something suitable. “You were singing in nightclubs for years.”

“Okay, I’m willing to come this party of yours, but if you make me sing, I will stab this heel in your throat.” You threatened semi-seriously. 

“Relax, you’re the guest of honour. You won’t be singing tonight.” He promised, grabbing a dress off its hanger and throwing it at you. “Now get dressed we’re going to be late.” He said as you moved towards the bathroom.

“You can’t be late to your own party. Everyone knows that.” You said before shutting the bathroom door. “You’re never allowed to dress me again.” You told him, exiting the bathroom.

“You look nice. Now add these and let’s go.” He handed you a pair of heels ad you rolled your eyes.

“You might actually be trying to kill me.” You commented, putting the shoes on. “First the tight dress and now these stilts.”

“I am not trying to kill you, I promise. I am just trying to show off my awesome aunt and maybe get you a date.” He said.

You gave your godson a smile and kissed his cheek. “You’re sweet, Tony. But don’t get your hopes up about that date. I’m very out of practice.”

“You’ll pick it up in no time. You’re related to me, how could you not?” He questioned as the two of you walked downstairs. Tony drove the two of you Tower and led you into an elevator. When you made it to the designated floor everyone was already there and having a good time.

Tony quickly scanned the room and then led you over to the bar.

“Legolas, Rushman, I want you to meet Y/N.” He introduced you to a blonde man and a redheaded woman.

“Nice to meet you.” You greeted, shaking the twos hands.

“You too. I’m Natasha and this is Clint, since Tony doesn’t seem to remember our names.” Natasha said.

“I said your names, Rushman and Legolas.” Tony shrugged, grabbing a drink for you and him. “Where are the others?”

“They’re here, I don’t know where, but they’re here.” Clint told him.

“Even the oldies?” Tony questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“They’re not here yet, actually.” Natasha said. “They said they’d come but just a little bit later.”

You enjoyed Natasha and Clint’s company. They were very friendly once they got comfortable with you.

“So, Y/N, how do you know Tony?” Clint asked as you all got another drink.

“I’m his godmother.” You said, sipping your cocktail. “I’ve known him since his mother was pregnant.”

“But you look younger than him.” Natasha said, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah. Long story short, I met his father in the 40’s and an experiment went wrong in the lab. I haven’t aged since.” You explained.

“The 40’s?” Clint asked. “So you should be in your 90’s?”

“Yeah technically.” You nodded. 

“Oh we have some people we think you should meet.” Natasha smirked.

“Who?” You asked. Before either could respond, Tony called something out.

“They’re right here.” Natasha said, sitting her empty glass down. She stood and took your hand and led you over to the elevator. “You three missed introductions.” She said once you all got close enough. “This is- “

“Y/N.” The man closest to you breathed out. You turned to look at the man who said your name and felt your blood turn to ice.

“Bucky.” You breathed. 

“Oh god.” You heard. Turning away from Bucky it was as if you had suddenly been turned to stone. Steve and Peggy stood there, alive and looking at you in shock.

Your flight or fight instincts kicked in and you phased through the floor. You phased until you made it to the lobby and then you ran for Tony’s car. You drove like a mad woman until you made it back to your apartment.

As you began packing up your belongings Tony’s name flashed across your screen.

“Y/N where did you go?” Tony asked as you grabbed a rack of clothes. 

“Home. I came home and now I’m leaving.” You told him, aggressively folding your clothes and shoving them into your bag.

“Y/N, why did you leave? What happened?” He demanded. “Why did Steve, Peggy and Bucky shoot off like bats in hell?”

“You remember that story I told you on the plane?” You questioned. “It was about them. They’re the ones who died.”

“Y/N none of them died. They were never dead. Why don’t you come back to the Tower and talk to them?”

“Because I can’t!” You exclaimed, throwing the shirt you were holding to the floor. “I’ve thought they were dead for years and then they’re at your party. I thought I was going crazy and then they spoke.” You said, sitting on the floor.

“You’re not crazy, Y/N. They’re really here.” He told you.

“And that’s the problem. They’re alive after all these years and I’m not the same person they left behind. I’m a freak. I haven’t aged in over 70 years and I can do things I couldn’t before.

I’m a freak, Tony. They’re not going to want me when they see what I’ve become.”

“Aunt Y/N, do you love them?” He asked.

“Yes. Yes, I love them.” You admitted. “I never stopped loving them.”

“And did they love you?” He quizzed.

“Yeah. Yeah they did.”

“Then what’s stopping you from talking to them and being with them again?” He questioned.

“I’m scared.” You told him. “It broke me when they died and I don’t want to feel that way again if they decide to leave because I’ve changed.”

“Do you remember when I was a kid, you used to tell me to never let fear hold me back from following my heart?”

“Yeah and do you remember when you used to tell me the head is mightier than the heart?” You retorted, finally standing up to continue packing. 

“I was wrong. And now you are because you’re letting fear stop you from following your heart. So just remember I did it with good intentions.” He said as someone knocked on the door.

“Tony what did you do?” You questioned, walking towards the door. 

“Love you, Aunt Y/N.” He said and hung up. You sighed before opening the door, fully expecting to see Tony there.

Instead you saw the people you were running from. 

“That man is more like his father than he would like to admit.” You sighed, turning away from your three visitors. “I’m assuming Tony gave you my address. Well, don’t expect to get the next one because I won’t be giving it to him.” You told them as you continued to pack. 

“Doll, why are you leaving?” Bucky asked and you had to close your eyes to not cry at the voice you’d nearly forgotten.

“Because I would rather leave than have you leave again.” You said, folding another item. You heard someone walk across the room and stand behind you. You gasped lowly as you felt arms wrap around your waist. 

“We thought you were dead.” Steve murmured, pulling you into his chest.

“You thought I was dead?” You laughed, pulling out of his hold and turning to face the three of them. “You’re the ones who have been dead for 70 years. You two know how it felt when Bucky fell off that train.” You said, pointing at Steve and Peggy. “And then when the both of you died, I was destroyed.

You were all dead and I had no-one.” You told them, turning back to your bag. “Were you ever really dead or was it all just a cruel joke?”

“None of us were ever dead, darling.” Peggy said, her footsteps echoing as she approached. “Bucky was kidnapped by HYDRA until three years ago and we were in a state of suspended animation until we were found and unfrozen.”

“When we reunited, we searched for you. But we didn’t find much so we assumed you’d passed.” Bucky told you. 

“We talked on the way over and if you’ve moved on, we’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.” Steve said. 

“Do you remember that conversation we had when I joined the three of you?” You asked without turning around. 

“You were scared, darling. Scared to ruin our friendship.” Peggy said. 

“I’m scared again.” You admitted, wiping away the tear that escaped your eye.

“What are you scared of, doll?” Steve questioned, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

“I’m scared that this is all some cosmic joke and if it’s not and you’re really here, that you’ll leave anyway.“ You told them. 

"We’re not leaving, baby doll.” Bucky promised. “Please can you just turn around and look at us?" 

You let out a shaky breath but turned anyway. 

You began to cry as you finally went to took them in, really took them in, and you felt all three sets of arms wrap around you. 

"I missed you so much. I love you all so much.” You cried, gripping onto to whatever part of them you could. 

“It’s okay, darling.”

“We missed you too." 

"We love you too.”

It was there in that moment, while being held in their arms, that you felt yourself repairing and that last bit of loneliness disappear.


End file.
